Dear Mr. Catspaw,
I am in receipt of one each of your Amish-Australian Pitchfork Moustache Tuners in the Special, Collector's, and Environmentalist's editions. I find your products superior in every way. They are well-made in America and I think they should be part of every musician's tool kit.
I am quite active in local sessions and in multi-ethnic folk ensembles where I find your tuners to be of great value. It is no longer necessary to take long breaks while I re-tune my moustache, or to substitue fingering or picking patterns to accomodate other players.
Your research and development department might be interested in a modification I've made to your device. With a slight elongation of the handle it is possible to engage both the moustache and nose hair. Tuning them to suitable intervals allows the production of a whistling overtone, not unlike that produced by Tuvan throat singers. I call this the Simultaneous Nasal Overtone with Tremolo.
I must also compliment you on the portability and attractive appearance of your products. They all fit snugly in my pocket protector and add a nice dash of color. I use the brightly colored "Collector's Special" when I perform with the Bulgarian-Omani Orchestra for German-Eritrean Rondos (BOOGER). The colors of the handle compliment my embroidered vest and leather trousers.
Your "Environmentalist's Delight" is coveted by many of the members of the local folk dance association, the Franco-Lithuanian Indo-Canadian Cloggers (FLICC). Several of the members have expressed interest in adapting a tuner so that it can be used as a limberjack.
Of course the high polish and fine finish of the "Gordon Bok Special Edition" meet the refined standards of the Georgia Louisiana Indiana South Texas and East Nebraska(GLISTEN)traditional Dobro and Nose Flute Society.
Enclosed please find $455.95 for three complete sets, plus shipping and handling, for my mother and two sisters.