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Ah was walkin' doon the Govan Road the other day
Ah was eatin' chips and I threw the paper away
A polisman came up tae me
Says he "What ye've done is illegal ye see"
First he put ma name in his wee black book and then he kicked me.

Last night ah went wi' ma wife tae a dinner and dance
The bevvy was free so Ah steamed in while Ah had a chance
On the way hame Ah peed against the wa'
Along came the long arm of the law
First he put ma name in his wee black book and then he kicked me.

He kicked me in a place where Ah've never been kicked before
He kicked me in a place where Ah never want kicked any more.

Ah wiz tellin' ma story tae a guy named Shooie McGurk
A nice wee fella ah met wan day at ma work
Ah told it tae him then says he tae me
Ma brother's in the CID
An' if yae insult him, ye insult me an then he kicked me.

He kicked me in a place where Ah've never been kicked before
He kicked me in a place where Ah never want kicked any more.

Eddie