"So here you are, as charmless, unattractive, inarticulate, untalented, needy, and emotionally dysfunctional as you ever were ... "

No, no, no - you're missing the point. Just knowing you have those extra 11.5", you will become charming, attractive, articulate, talented, independent, and emotionally functional. Women will flock to you, and they won't know why.

(I'll PM the order form to you).