Thank you, friends; your words & your thoughts help. I didn't, initially, intend to start this thread, but I realized, in the middle of the night, that I was going to need help thinking & talking through this time. Mom expects to have a remembrance of Dad's life this summer, when it's convenient for folks to come. Unfortunately, my mourning doesn't seem willing to wait for a convenient time. I feel sort of dull & hollow & I'm crying easily. I don't regret that Dad is freed from the condition he was in, but I do feel his loss, even across the miles. For me, as a verbal person & a hugger, there would be great value in visitation & a funeral or memorial service, but my mom doesn't want that & I will honor her wishes. In a sense, my dad, as he had been, died when he needed to enter the nursing home 5 year ago. In the intervening years, he had slowly lost capability & Mom was able, through lack of choice, to make the painful transition from a post WWII housewife to a person who would be able to handle life on her own. In the past five years, she has lived alone in their townhouse, but spent most of each day at the nursing home with Dad. On the morning of Dad's last day, a wise nurse told Mom it was time to say goodbye & my mom took her advice. She told Dad that she loved him & that he'd been a good husband & father. She told him of the many happy memories she had of their 61 years together. She reassured him that she had learned enough during his time in the nursing home that she could take care of herself & that it was ok for him to go. He was on oxygen & couldn't talk, but she asked him to squeeze her hand if he understood. Right away, he squeezed her hand firmly. She told me these things when she & I talked on the phone that evening. That was when I realized my dad was close to death. As soon as I got off the phone, I prayed that, if my dad was in a state of grace, God would take him quickly & without further suffering. According to the nurse's report from the aides who were with him, 15 minutes later, he peacefully breathed his last. I believe that God honored my prayer & took my daddy home.

I'll probably write more later, if you don't mind.

love,

Barbara