Sorcha, 'fear of large Black men" is deeply rooted in American culture. Perhaps your mother considered the large Black man who lived next door to your family to be an exception to the rule. Perhaps not. However, in my opinion that does not negate the fact that you and others-probably including the interracial couple and their children-found your mother to be a kind, gentle, caring soul.

With regard to your mother's belief that if you had married and had children by a Black man, the children would not look like you- perhaps your mother's fear of large Black men made it difficult for her to see that regardless of the color of their skin, children born to interracial couples look like one or both of their parents. Or they have the features of another {or other} family members from either side of their family. Or-as is the case with children who are born to same race couples, sometimes the children just look like themselves.

Some years ago, I remember seeing a movie called "The Last Starfighter". Perhaps it wasn't intended, but the point that I got from that movie was that life was like a video game. When you finally mastered one level of challenges to the extent that what you encounter ceases to be challenging anymore, a more difficult level pops up and you have to strive to master that level too. And so on and so on and so on until we reach the other side and perhaps have to work through even more levels.

All that to say that I certainly will not judge what your mother learned or did not learn from this life.

Best wishes,

Azizi