"Oh a long time ago, in darkest historee
When all we had to drink was nothing but cups of tea
Along came a fellow,name of Charlie Mopps,
Invented a drink, a hell of a stink, made from malt and hops."

Guest Truth Syrum, you may be a wee bit humor-impaired if you interpret this as "absurdly egocentric European history." Next you'll be telling us that the darby ram was just average-sized after all.