Dear Windlass 1 - following is the version I do and it was copied straight from the lyrics of a Tommy Steele songbook. Tommy made the song super-popular in the 60's and sings what is arguably the best-known version of it.
^^
WHAT A MOUTH

Oh, Jimmy Bean was a funny looking fellow
If he had a bigger mouth, you'd've took him for the cellar
But his mouth--
Queered him-
From winning a beauty show

It was like a steam boat funnel,
Or a railway arch,
Or the BlackWALL Tunnel,
IF you can't-
See Jim-
When he opens his mouth, YOU'LL know.

And as POOR Jim goes walkin' about-
You can 'ear the kids all 'ollerin' out- WHAT???

Chorus:
What a mouth, What a mouth,
What a North and South
Blimey, what a mouth he's got.
When he was a baby, ME LORD, GAWD LUV 'ER
WELL 'is poor old mother used to feed 'im with a shovel
What a gap--
Poor chap--
He's never been known to laugh
For if he did, it's a penny to a quid
That his face would fall in 'alf!

He got so drunk one foggy morn
He laid in the road and he started to yawn
And a poor
Old man
Was delivering coals close by
And as he went to shoot THE load
He saw Jim's mouth out in the road

Chorus:
What a mouth, What a mouth,
What a North and South
Blimey, what a mouth he's got.
Now thE POOR old man bein' a short-sighted fellow
WHEN he saw Jim's mouth, he took it for THE cellar
And he shot
The lot
Right into his mouth, no joke
Jim poor soul's got a belly full of coal
And he coughs up lumps of coke - OI!


Have fun with it - Muttley

If you need the chords I have those as well.