The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #19817   Message #204041
Posted By: Felisi 52'
30-Mar-00 - 02:52 PM
Thread Name: BS: compassion or honesty
Subject: RE: BS: compassion or honesty
I recently read a wonderful article on this very subject: It spoke of this friend the writer had who always told the truth. If he was served a meal which he didn't like, he would not say it was wonderful and try to eat as much as possible between grins, but would speak his mind. He would also comment freely on any subject telling anyone who asked exactly how he felt. For this reason, he was rarely invited to dinner parties, and when he was, people seldom asked for his opinion.

He was not overly critical mind you, he enjoyed as much and was just as easy going as anyone else, nor did he complain much at all. He just told the truth.

In the article, the writer asked who would truly want someone like that around, especially at an event like a party.
Well, as I was reading this, I couldn't help but saying aloud "Me."
Apparently, the writer felt the same way. She praised her friend for having the courage to speak the truth, and considered it the ultimate arrogance for anyone to think that they would know better about what would be best for someone else or what that someone needed to know than that person themselves. To do so would be placing yourself (your thoughts, values, opinions, your ability to cope, etc.) above those of whomever you were trying to spare. She went on to say that to do that is a bit like playing God, and while I think that's a little extreme, I do see her point.

I have a dear friend who always thinks about sparing everyone's feelings. He would rather endure a minor (or major) hardship than make anyone he knows feel bad about something. He shows compassion towards people even when his true feelings or the truth itself directly conflicts with those compassionate acts. For this reason, it makes it quite difficult for me to remain friends with him. I can never be too sure if what he is saying is the truth, or if it's what he thinks I need or want to hear. I would rather suffer a hundred painful truths, than one "compassionate" lie. The latter will forever be more painful to me.
As far as the someone who is shot goes, I would rather face death prepared, and be able to say goodbye, than to be spared that chance.