To Brian, the hero fallen in battle:

"Tip a canoe and Tylenol, too!"
...(or is that Tylenol 4?)

Maybe they can transfer you to Vegas to chase down one-armed bandits.
Or else, maybe confine you to a paddled cell......

And Sorcha, without your carpal tunnel, where will your goldfish find any shade this summer?, he asked koi-ly.

Good healing and moral re-armament to the both of you!