There once was a young girl called Mary
spent the night with a man in a dairy
now heaven forbid, I won't say what they did
but next morning his tongue was all hairy

There once was a fellow from Wales
who dined on dogs bollocks and snails
when he couldn't get these, he used to eat cheese
that he scraped from his knob with his nails

There once was a young chap called Howells
who lived on the contents of bowels
when he couldn't get these, he used to eat cheese
and the suckings of santitary towels

...I doubt there'll be any worse than that!