The Glister

Some time since, a Pitman was tyen varry bad,
So caw'd his wife Mall te the side of his bed;
Thou mun run for a Doctor, the forst can be fund,
For maw belly's a' wrang, an' aw'm varry fast bund.

Wey, man thou's a full, aw ken thou's fast boon,
Wi' thye last bindin miunny thou-bowt this new goon:
Nae Doctor can lowse thou one morsel or crumb,
For thou's bun te Tyne Main for this ten month te come.

Aw divent mean that--maw belly's sae sair;
Run fast, or aw'll dee langafore ye get here!
So away Mally ran to their awn Doctor's shop;
Gie me somethin for Tom, for his belly's stopt up.

A Glister she gat-and nae langer she'd wait,
But straight she ran hyem an' gat out a clean plate;
Oh Tommy! maw Tom! only haud up thy heed!
Here's somethin 'ill mend thou, suppose thou was deed.

Thou mun eat up that haggish, but sup the thin forst;
Aw's freeten'd that stoppel it will be the worst.
Oh Mally! thou'll puzzen poor Tom altogether,
If aw drink a' the thin, an' then eat up the blether.

He manag'd it a', wiv a great deal to do;
Oh Mally! oh Mally I thou's puzzen'd me now!
But she tuik nae notice of poor Tommy's pain,
But straight she ran off te the Doctor's again.

O Doctor! maw hinny! Tom's tyen'd a' thegether,
He supp'd up the thin, then he eat up the blether;
The blether was tuif, it myest stuck in his thropple;
If he haddent bad teeth he wad eatten the stopple.

Oh woman! you have been in too great a hurry.
Stead of mending your husband, you'll have him to bury;
Stead of making him better, you've sure made him warse,
For you've put in his mouth what should gone up his arse.

-W.Armstrong (Thomas Marshall's Collection 1829, Tyneside Songster, Davidson of Alnwick
c. 1840, Allen's Tyneside Songs 1891.