We have obtained a large amount of the "beer". It comes in many different bottles with attractive decorations on them, and it also comes in cans. It seems odd that so much effort would be spent on providing different forms of packaging for what is essentially the same thing. Why do these Earthlings do it? It's inefficient in the extreme. It would be wiser to simply make a single type of generic container for all this beer.

Shane, however....that is the subject's name: Shane...Shane has told us that there are significant differences between the different, as he puts it, "brands" of beer.

I have tasted several of them. They are all the same...absolutely dreadful! I have to admit, though, upon further tasting that there are minute differences between one brand and another, in that this one tastes even worse than that one, if you follow me.

I find that my powers of acute observation are declining with the frequency of tasting, though, so I think I had best stop.

Shane has been telling us all about the beer and how important it is. It appears to be the cultural foundation of his society. This may explain why they are still living in such a primitive and reactionary state, and why we have to take care to avoid being shot down by their paranoid air defence systems!

Fortunately, their technology is quite primitive, so there is little danger.

Shane seems to have quite a bit of experience at getting into beer containing facilities after dark. He warned us of the alarm systems. These were nullified by our electronic damping systems. We then removed and levitated a circular cutout from the roof of the building, sufficient to beam down and secure large amounts of the beer. It was child's play.

Shane says that the "cops" are going to go "nuts" trying to figure out how it was done. He seems very pleased about it. We reattached the circular cutout to the roof upon leaving and seamlessly restored its molecular integrity, so the beer we took will appear to have simply vanished into thin air.

Shane is so happy with the success of our beer acquisition that he has been almost beside himself. He wants us to repeat the operation at other beer facilities in larger centres, but we feel that we have enough now. Surely with this amount of beer we have a bargaining chip that can allow us heavy leverage in any future high-level planetary negotiations with the Earthlings?

We have reminded Shane that we promised him only 1 "two-four". A two-four turns out to be a box containing 24 bottles of beer.

He is halfway through drinking it now, and has become a bit more incoherent than he was a few hours ago. We are observing this with much interest.

He is staggering about and complimenting us on all the lovely features in our ship and our cleverness in acquiring free beer.