Why do people have such a problem with cows? I spent the early part of my life with cows (but she's moved to New Zealand since - joke!!) and never had any problem with them. I've been out walking with friends of all dispositions and intelligence quotients but all of them get silly when a cow looms up on the horizon.

Keep the dog on a short lead, try not to let him bark, stop the children from running screaming and keep a steady pace along the pathway. If they are blocking your path, be careful as you walk round them, that you don't fall over a hummock or a tussock, or slip in natural fertilizer.

And if you can't resist the urge to whack a cow, don't whack 'em on the behind... cows can kick damned hard - just ask any milking parlour attendant or vet. A shoulder pat is often enough to get them going.

Don't let them lick you. It's not dangerous, just really really nasty... they can lick their own nostrils you know!

LTS