Artixes here. We are now returning the Shane. This is after extensive testing and retesting of his intelligence by exposing him to conditions on our home planets and taking him around to various interesting places to see if we could broaden his horizons.

I am sorry to say that they still seem to be exceedingly narrow! He has been agitating for beer, "smokes", "pizza" and other valueless things of that sort. He is a helpless slave of his corporeal appetites! It's sad. One has to wonder what sort of upbringing such a creature would have had to end up this way.

The Shane was introduced to some of the greatest minds among our people in order to retest the mind-meld process that had gone so awry with Meklor. The results were almost catastrophic. A panel of our greatest scientists and philosophers were reduced to babbling, drooling incoherence by the Shane, who drained from them virtually all their intelligence while gaining apparently nothing for himself in the process. If not for the reflugation procedure, it would have been a disaster of the first magnitude.

We have decided that the Shane is too dangerous, therefore we are returning him posthaste to his own environs. He has requested to be sent either to Blind River or Huntsville. Huntsville appears to be a smallish settlement, whereas Blind River is what could best be described as "a flyspeck in the middle of nowhere".

Decisions, decisions.

Normally we would erase the Earthling's memories of his experiences with us, both for his protection and for ours. In this case, however, we have come to the conclusion that the Shane will not be a danger, simply because no matter what he says no one will believe him. He has zero credibility. That is my opinion.

He told us, for instance, that the three most valuable things on Earth were:

1. beer
2. marijuana
3. "babes"

This has turned out to be very inaccurate information. Beer is a common and noxious drink that causes intoxication. Marijuana is a common plant that causes intoxication. Both are of little or no value.

As for "babes"...they turned out to be simply younger female humans of good childbearing age. What a disappointment! Does the word "boring" come to mind? It makes me feel quite embarrassed that we wasted so much time over something so completely unimportant and mundane as this primitive creature's need to engage in bizarre mating rituals.

We did, in fact, secure several of these "babes" and introduced them to the Shane in hopes that they would engage in mating activities which would assist us in better understanding Earthlings. They all refused pointblank to mate with the Shane! This, after he had assured us that he was irresistible to Earth females. What a dreadful liar.

Well, it's been an interesting episode, although a frustrating one. We shall continue to monitor the Shane from a distance, just in case we missed something.