Just bribed a guard to get this last post out (made him and honorary FFP plus lots of cash - I think it was the cash wot done the trick). I'm being held by a treasonous bunch headed by Rapaire. And to think I gave him such an important position in my new democratic republic. Fellow posters, comrades, nay, friends, you don't seem to understand; my seizure of power wasn't for my benefit but for yours and to secure the future of the thread. Don't let me rot in one of Rapair's chambers of horror.

And the nasty rumour that I tipped off the aliens as to Shane's whereabouts has been greatly exaggerated. I may have pointed him out using Google Earth but that was only to show them the proud image of my beloved leader.

Got to go, some brute's coming my way with a cat o' nine tails.

Infamy, infamy, you've all got it infamy.