As the official Blitherscum government appointed Carbon footprint monitor I would just like to state the official 10 point energy offsetting programme for the festival.

1        The PA will be powered by the Blitherscum national cycle team with additional power supplied by the wind farm on backside hill.

2        All performers will be lip sinking to backing tracks. This allows us to do   away with the sound engineer and the three other blokes who hang around the sound desk.

3        All stewards will be issued with natural fibre steward jackets. They may itch and cause rashes so please understand why they may not be as helpful as last year.

4        We will be collecting all human waste and presenting to the local farmer Mr Muddman for use on his organic parsnip farm.

5        There will be a gratuitous surcharge of £10.00 per visitor which will be spent wisely by the newly formed government body CRAPS (Carbon recapture and protection scheme) please do not think of this as a tax more an obligatory donation.

6        All campers are to recycle………………

7        We will be monitoring gas imitations through out the festival and should the levels of Carbon rise we will immediately shut down the real ale bar and curry stand until levels have fallen back to safe levels. You have been warned!

8        The "save carbon or else drown" bumper stickers will be available from all forward thinking stands, please buy one and support your government, we will save you……Honest

9        Anybody found lighting fires will be immediately ejected from the festival no excuses will be accepted ( This will not apply to the traditional festival "burning of the Bodhran's" finale)

10         On behalf or the government we wish you a happy and successful last ever festival before the introduction of the new "two at a festival" law comes into effect in January,