Well, when I saw this Thing with its proboscis rammed into the poor man's mouth, making obscene noises as it obviously was sucking the life out of him, I hit it and beat it with the crowbar. Fortunately, I missed the man most of the time, but I sure made that critter suffer! I know he was a nice guy because he said he now had an excuse not to learn the "triplely damned things" and his wife would now let him live somewhere in the house besides the basement, his friends would speak to him again, and the City Council of St. Louis would let him come into town to shop, etc.

Turned out he was FROM St. Louis, which was 200 miles south. Missouri State Law at the time forbid bagpipers from coming any closer to St. Louis upon pain of "grewsome death by accordion."