Heard this one many years ago & remembered these bits:

Rules for safer driving:
1. Cars with engines of less than 2 litres are a danger on the road and should not be driven.

2. Avoid using the brakes other than at the end of your journey - otherwise they only slow you down
3. Sounding the horn continuosly enables the car to be driven through small gaps
4. Alcohol taken before driving enables the car to be driven through even smaller gaps.
5. Dispense with rear view mirrors - you are interested in where you are going not where you have been
6 The correct position for the right foot (UK) is flat on the floor with the accelerator pedal underneath (known as lead footing)

Happy and safe driving