Just have to post this. I've had the lyrics for a while, but the parody/parity workshop brought it out...


I'M A MAINFRAME
(Bob Franke)

You been runnin' your program on your little PC,
Tryin' to fix your business with your 1-2-3;
That little Junior jus' can't manage your files,
Well, I got some hardware that will make you smile.

cho: 'Cause I'm a mainframe, baby
I got a hard disk, too.
An' I can do twenty times
What that mini floppy driver can do.

That's pow'ful software that you got to run
But you just can't run it on that sonovagun;
That little Junior's got no mem-o-ry
Come on baby, get on line with me.

Little lights of amber, little lights of green
You got more data than I've ever seen
That little board can't even jump your screen
Oh baby, check out the soul of a new machine!

Copyright (C) 1986 Robert J. Franke