The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #103384   Message #2105296
Posted By: SharonA
17-Jul-07 - 03:57 PM
Thread Name: Help-I might have written a protest song
Subject: RE: Help-I might have written a protest song
I agree with Amos -- you know if you're protesting... or, rather, you know that you're protesting. The protest song "genre" covers plenty of musical-style territory, including the style in which you've written your song.

I have a couple of nitpicks about the lyrics:

"Holy rhymes and pledges grave" is contrived; you've got the adjective before the noun in the beginning of the phrase and the noun before the adjective by the end of the phrase. I'm sure you can write a more colloquial-sounding phrase that ends in "grave" and that also fits the style of the rest of the lyrics.

I don't care for close rhymes and false rhymes, though I realize that most songwriters today employ them everywhere so I grit my teeth and try to tolerate them (and even include them in my songwriting on occasion). Most listeners anticipate the end of a rhyming phrase and tend to fill in the blank with a true rhyme before the actual word is sung. One of your verses contains a very unfortunate close-rhyme that is likely to make the listener complete the line himself with a truer rhyme (mentally or, God forbid, audibly) using a word that will make him laugh -- and I'm sure you don't want that! Here's what I'm imagining him singing:
"We've got karma by the yard
[Guess] who left his calling card
Stay the course and you'll go fart."

See what I mean? I strongly advise you to change that verse!

Sharon