You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."

A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
"Husband Wanted".
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."

When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.

A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

A young son asked,
"Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."

Then there was a woman who said,
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late."

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

If you want your spouse to listen and
pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

"A Woman's Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to forgive him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death"

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other woman has, You wish you had ordered that.

Losing a husband can be very hard... in my case it's proving impossible.

Why are single women thin and married women not? Single women come in, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come in, see what's in the bed and go to the fridge.....!

What's the difference between a husband and a lover? About four hours.

What's the difference between a man and a chocolate bar? A chocolate bar will satisfy a woman every time, doesn't get upset when you fancy a different flavour and is even better if it goes soft!

Me, cynical??

Georgian - I think I paraphrased it from some comedienne but for the life of me can't remember who, it was pre Jo Brand, so it may well be mine!

Moi, cynical???

LTS