He has refined laziness into an artform. His little leggies are just long enough to reach the ground. Same goes for his ears. He resembles a fat sausage on four short pillars...so firm, so fully packed. He is bold, brave, and ready to defend the realm...as long as danger does not approach within less than 10 or 20 feet of him. He will bravely charge infants and dogs that weigh less than he does, as long as they don't charge back. He will eat almost anything, without hesitation. When he lifts his leg, you know that he is not going to miss the target. He would never plotz on the neighbour's lawn...it's too far away, and he can't be bothered expending that much energy. He is always willing to add a few additional remarks to the usual fifteen minutes of frenzied barking. He has completely mastered the sins of greed and gluttony.   He rightfully sees himself as the epitome of creation, Nature's noblest Work. He is a Dachshund!