Barry!!! You really made me laugh! My God, that Bull Mastiff must've been the laziest dog that has ever lived. My dachshund's eyes are bugging out in shock and amazement that there was once a dog lazier than himself. If he had found himself faced with the "radiator problem"...here's what would have happened.

1. Dachshund sleeping peacefully against radiator.

2. Radiator beginning to get warm. Dachshund groans appreciatively, and shifts position to soak up more heat.

3. Radiator getting quite warm. Dachshund snoring gently.

4. Radiator getting hot! Dachshund shifts fitfully. His little coloured eye bumps begin to pop up and down, denoting rising anxiety.

5. Radiator getting damn hot! Dachshund's eyes pop open. He squirms around, trying to avoid the heat without actually going to the trouble to really get on his feet and move somewhere else.

6. Radiator getting f*cking hot! Dachshund lurches to his feet with an exasperated sound and scrambles clear of the radiator. He turns to look at it with a sad and accusing look which clearly says, "Why are you trying to make MY life miserable? What is your problem, you stupid piece of machinery?"

7. Dachshunds sighs wearily and trots into the kitchen for a relieving drink of water.

click - click - click - click - click - click

lap! lap! lap! slurp!

Uuurrp!!!

click - click - click - click - click - click

8. Dachshund returns to living room. Casts baleful look at radiator, as if to say, "I won't forget your thoughtlessness."

9. Dachshund flops down on carpet in cool spot, well clear of radiator, groans luxuriously, and prepares to catch up on that forty winks he is so badly in need of....(makes mental note not to trust radiator in future, as it has proven to be sadistic and malign in its intentions).