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ARE YOU MR. RILEY?

Are you Mr. Riley that keeps this hotel?
Are you Mr. Riley they speak of so well?
For if you're Mr. Riley, they speak of so highly,
Then, blimey, O'Riley, you are looking well.

CHORUS: Hold your row. hold your row.
What d'you say? What d'you say?
For the queen of society lives down our way.

There was a young man and his name was Lord Jim.
He complained that his wife threw tomatoes at him.
Now, tomatoes are soft and don't injure the skin,
But this one it did; it was inside a tin.

One day I met a poor boy in the street.
He was ever so hungry, no shoes to his feet;
And as I had money and plenty to spare,
I went to the fruiterer's and bought him a pear.

I called on my sweetheart. Her name was Miss Brown.
She was having a bath so she couldn't come down.
She said she'd slip on something and be down in a tick.
She slipped on the soap and she did come down quick.

One day I died and to heaven did go.
"And where do you come from?" they wanted to know.
When I told them "from Brighton", it made them all stare.
"Come in" said St. Peter. "You're the first one from there."