Non-Smoking Section
This parody was sung by Leslie Fish on Tapeworm 2

Parody of "Mount Tam", words and music by Leslie Fish

For more information and other parodies, see www.songworm.com
Parody lyrics ©2/23/89 by Bob Kanefsky. All rights reserved. The copyright of the original lyrics and music remain with the holder(s) of the original copyright.

Here I sit at the front of the plane.
Might as well be a freeway lane
Or the depths of a chimney stack.
The flight is smooth, but the air is gray
With the breath of the smokers that drifts my way
From the seats just a few rows back.

Chorus:
So if there be any on board
Who must light up in the short duration of the flight,
Then for the short duration of the flight,
Please step outside.

Pressure's low, so the cabin's sealed.
The filters get more than they can field;
And here is a noxious cloud.
Its tendrils run through the intake duct
To the maze of vents where the air is sucked
And supplied to the front-row crowd.

(Refrain)

Studies show that recycled smoke
Makes smoking sections a useless joke:
The whole cabin space will fill.
The blood and urine of those who refrain
Show nicotine from the back of the plane
Invading their bodies, still.

(Refrain)

We who need to travel by air
Find ourselves in the dragon's lair
Of a vice that we did not choose.
They'll wreck their bodies, and that's just fine,
But the grave they're digging should not be mine,
Nor the kids', nor the cabin crew's.

(Refrain)