A pirate walked into an inn and the innkeeper said, Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."
"What do you mean?" said the pirate. "I feel fine!"
"What about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well, we were in a battle and I got hit by a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."
"Well OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"
"We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight and my hand was cut off. I'm fine, really."
"What about the eye patch?"
"Oh, one day we were out at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them shit in my eye."
"Oh come now, you couldn't lose an eye from bird shit."
"It was my first day with the hook1"