Well, he just knew he was losing her. You know? .....when you've dated just long enough for only one of you to lose interest.

You get desperate...
...and, well, you know life.

Here's my friend's story (we'll call him "Dave"):

Dave wasn't exactly the picture of macho virility......his strengths were in the "sensitivity" department. But more than once on the college choir summer tour he'd noticed her gaze darting toward the ONE guy on the tour who had "jock" leanings. Dave didn't waste a lot of introspective musings wondering "What does she see in him?"

It was time Dave showed her what a man he really was.

But why did he choose then??

And couldn't he have found a test of manhood that wasn't quite so likely to.....er.....backfire?   Like pissing his name in the snow for instance? OK.....maybe not that one. And not the walking on red-hot coals thing....

...but this manhood test? "Here, punch me as hard as you want to in the gut........test my abs of steel!"

Here's where fate steps in to keep the nerdy among us culled from the gene pool. Seems that the instant Dave chose to demonstrate his manhood, was the very instant that the ushers threw open the double doors to the sanctuary, into which the choir, including Dave, was to file in in an orderly manner. Trouble was, of the 50 or so people who were in the choir, the only person not distracted by the doors being flung open was the 19 year old girl who had just been given carte blanche to: "Here, punch me as hard as you want in the gut...", an invitation that was accepted with great relish.

Problem: Dave's abs were no longer flexed as he was now intent on the choir's grand entrance into the sanctuary.....I believe the processional was "Onward Christian Soldiers", a regal march.

Result: Seems there are two factors that determine the decibel level of flatulence; tightness of...er....well anyway, the other factor is the force with which the gas is expelled.   All 50+ of those young singers were acutely aware that a new decibel level record had just been set (provided such records are, indeed, kept). As gamely as they may have tried, the "Onward Christian Soldiers" were suddenly "AWOL", dissolving into puddles of laughter.

My friend, to his credit, told me this story on himself...

I pulled the car I was driving off the road.