I am anything but helpless. This may be your story Kendall, but it is not one that is universally accepted by those who know you. Frankly, most say you are unable to extract urine from high top footwear even if a detailed and illustrated manual is printed on the underside.
I lived alone a lot of years, so I learned to do for myself. You did what for yourself? Show me your palms.........uh-huh...just what I thought.............
When I was going to sea I ran the ship's laundry for the final year. That was because it was located down deep in the ship where no one else ever showed up and it gave you a place to keep the Llahma.
Hell, I even do windows. Yeah.....Because you're a well known voyeur.
Ya' know.........When I see all of this stuff together I realize what a PREEEEVERT you really are. I'd ask you to give Seamus an ear scratching but obviously even the dog is afraid to be alone with you....................geeziz...............