Well, I tried. I took some horse pee, figuring that was as close as I could get to the stuff "Shane" drinks, and used it to brew up some coffee (I used Starbucks, since I didn't think he drank anything decent).

My wife made me brew it outdoors, which I did. The fumes killed an entire flight of Canada geese, which fell randomly around the golf course out back of the house. Three mature trees, four fairways, and three greens also curled up and died.

But it didn't attract "Shane" and now I have to find a way to dispose of it. I think I'll wait until much later, sneak onto the golf course, and pour it into the holes in each green.