Last night I come home as drunk as I could be,
Saw a thing inside the thing where my thing ought to be,
I said, "Come here my wife and explain this thing to me,
What's that thing doin' inside the thing where my thing out to be?"

"You old fool you silly fool, can't you plainly see,
That's nothing but a candlestick my mother gave to me."

"I've been all over this country---10,000 miles or more,
And a candlestick with balls I ain't never seen before."

(sometimes there's a benefit to having no cookie---but alas,,,)