Not this one again! So miners shouldn't sing songs about fishing, as they have as little experience of that as the average civil servant does? Nobody should sing border ballads unless they have recent experience of reiving. You can't sing Proud Maisrie unless you're a gardener. Don't sing Fields of Athenry unless you or your husband has been transported to Australia (actually, I agree with that one).

But anyway, I've probably posted this before, no idea who wrote it, but it should be middle class enough for you, to be sung in your best Heome Cyounties arccent:

I'm just a typically English girl from a typically English home,
Born and bred in Borehamwood, Herts,
But I've travelled, at least, to points both south and east,
To the Continent, and other foreign parts.
I went to school in Cheltenham, and also Switzerland,
At examinations failed to get a pass.
Daddy says it isn't funny, I'm fat and lazy just like Mummy,
On the lower side of upper-middle-class.

Daddy has a salary of five hundred grand a year,
He's something in the City I believe,
He wears apin-striped suit, bowler hat and brolly to boot,
And he never wipes his nose upon his sleeve!
He has a panelled office, and a pretty secretary,
Though I suspect she's only working class-
She drops her H's at will, and something else as well,
On the lower side of upper-middle-class.

Cecelia Harcourt Fawcett Smythe's my chum from boardinmg school,
Our relationship has a special quality,
But Mater and Pater, oh God, they ruddy hate her,
They say she's middle-middle and not for me!
One day we went to Brighton and we walked along the prom
Till some local yobbos finally made a pass-
They had pimples on their noses, BO and halitosis,
They weren't lower side of upper-middle-class!

Group Captain Nigel Pickering's My latest male escort,
Last night for the very first time I took him home.
Mummy and Daddy were surprised that he's a pilot, and he flies,
And he's from a similar stratum to my own.
When we told them we were planning going camping for the hols
They were somewhat shocked and rather looked aghast-
They didn't know such things went on, and on and on and on,
On the lower side of upper-middle-class.

But now I'm getting older and I'm thinking for myself,
And I'm entertaining grave and serious doubts
About what Daddy says about people and their ways,
Concerning those with and those without,
For at school I met with girls from every walk of life-
There were even scholarship girls from working class-
And when changing in the showers they have bodies much like ours
On the lower side of upper-middle-class.