A string walks into a bar and orders a drink. "Sorry, we don't serve strings," says the bartender.
"What? That sucks," said the string.
So the string walks into the bathroom and ties himself in a knot and messes up his end. He comes back out and approaches the bar again and again orders a drink.
"Hey, aren't you that string?" asks the bartender.
"No. I'm a frayed knot."




A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls. He turns to the bartender and says, "Boy, I wish I could do that."
The Bartender replies, "You'd better try petting him first."




An obviously intoxicated gentleman staggers into a tavern and seats himself at the bar. After being served, he notices a woman sitting a few stools down. He motions the bartender over and says "Bartender, I'd like to buy that old douchebag down there a drink."
Somewhat offended, the bartender replies "Sir, I run a respectable establishment, and I don't appreciate you calling my female customers douchebags."
The man looked ashamed of himself and muttered "You're right, that was uncalled for...please allow me to buy the woman a cocktail."
"That's better" said the bartender and he approached the woman.
"Ma'am, the gentleman down the bar would like to buy you a drink. What would you like?"
"How nice!" replied the woman, "I'll have a vinegar and water.