SIR QUINCY DE BAS
(Derek Brimstone)

Sir Quincy De Bas
Was a bit of an ass.
Instead of a knight, he was more like a lass.
In mortal combat,
With his blue velvet hat,
He'd ride side-saddle, and backwards at that.

Tum-tiddle-aye-iddle, tum-tiddle and such,
Sir Quincy de Bas, you're much too much.

He was called to the court,
And the Queen said, "Listen, Sport,
This is a very depressing report.
Now, please charge not reverse,
And may I add, what is worse,
Please strike with your sword, dear, and not with your purse."

Tum-tiddle-aye-iddle, tum-tiddle and then,
Excuse me, sir, who is your friend?

The Queen said, "Sir, now rise,
And be gone from my eyes,
'Cos you give me the vapours, and that's no surprise."
So in his armour, he rose,
And he turned on his toes,
And his visor fell down, and chopped off his nose!

Tum-tiddle-aye-iddle, tum-tiddle-aye-oo.
Sir Quincy de Bas, what is it with you?

So, he fled from the court,
And the wizard he sought,
And he told his sad tale. Came the wizard's retort...
"Now, to show you're no Venus!
Stick out your chest!"
And he did, and a button popped orf of his vest!

Tum-tiddle-aye-iddle, tum-tiddle-aye-oh,
Sir Quincy de Bas, you'll have to go.

At the very next war,
He was there at the fore,
And no sword and no helmet, no armour he wore.
Headlong into the mass,
He skipped, but alas,
That was the end of Sir Quincy de Bas.

Tum-tiddle-aye-diddle, why try such a stunt?
On his gravestone was writ, "Oh what a Twit!"


From Rubber Records "There Was This Bloke" compilation from 1974 with Bill Barclay, Derek Brimstone, Tony Capstick, and Mike Harding.