My dearest Santa,

I am ever so happy to hear from you, but it concerns me that you seem a touch forgetful. Is that hole in the ozone above your house letting in too many cosmic rays? If any of your gift wrap this year is foil, you might want to use some to line your pointy hat.

Secret Santa usually means gift at Christmas, but if in your case it means egg at Easter I shall try to be duly appreciative. By the way, Easter eggs are often wrapped in foil too, so you might try stuffing your hat full of chocolate Easter eggs as an alternative to the Christmas wrap. The eggs also come in handy if you are up late, as I know you tend to be this time of year, and need a snack. In your climate, I wouldn't be too concerned about them melting. No, wait, the polar icecap is melting too, innit? In that case, better not.

Talk to you soon, Santa! I have been at least 51 percent good.

Claire