Esteemed BOSS Santa,

I wouldn't be cross with you, Santa dear, far be it from that. I don't believe in getting cross, it's such a waste of time. Getting even is much more satisfactory, I find :-)

Awww.. shucks, I should have known those photos would come back to haunt me, but I assure you, Santa, that if you've seen picture(s) of me clinging to a glass containing a brown liquid, then that liquid will in all likelihood have been coke (possibly with a wee drop of Bacardi in it), definitely not Guiness.

As for giving the present to Milloup, I have no objection to that, dearest Santa. I do love my wee furry bundle, and I want him to always have the best. Only, I think I should warn you a bit. You see, his preference is "The smellier, the better".. So, if you were to be thinking of getting him something to take orally, dried fish and dried intestines of various descriptions seem to go down the best.. Squeaky toys are usually murdered on sight around here (dunno if I'd ever dare invite Ms Squeak to visit our domicile here, should she ever make it back this way..).

I remain,

Respectfully yours,

Bente