After running across JAB's post in the "E-BAY vs, Local Music Store" thread and his friend, BumGardner, it came to me in a flash that here was a way that Ol' Spaw could pick up a few extra bucks. If I could find 300 folks to lay on their stomachs for months at a time with asparagus planted between their "cheeks," I could really rake it in, so to speak. Make a few of them Amish and I could advertize "Organically Grown Amish Asparagus." Now I think that this con....er,uh..business.. could be lucrative, but (butt) I fear that I possess no desire to do the weeding and harvesting. Plus, I am a little pressed for time, what with evacuating my bladder, winding my watch, and trying to get the BB's in the eyes of the bear, you can see my schedule is pretty full. What to do? Like a bolt from the blue, it came to me!!!

CLETUS !!!!!!!

Since the Condom Factory closed down, he and Paw and the Reg boys have had nothing to do and have been hanging out here and generally getting into minor skirmishes with the law and all, so I figured that I'd put Cletus in charge of the group and put 'em to work! Paw already volunteered to be the "Lead Grower" and the Reg boys are well suited to disposing of excess fertilizer since they are Canadians (Rick's half-brothers) and are used to taking a lot of shit from Americans.

I have already located some mature and replantable asparagus crowns and the boys will be steali....uh, picking them up tonight from a local gardener. I placed an ad in the Sunday Edition of the "Ahia Possum Picayune" and the calls are already coming in for "asparagus growers." A local bookseller has donated 300 copies of "War and Peace" which should keep them occupied while the asparagus grows and the warehouse at the old condom factory has plenty of floor space. All I need to find now are the air mattresses and things will be underway.

Cletus will be reporting back in here on the progress of the "farm" and if any of you are interested in "Asparagus Futures," please contact my brokerage house of Dewey, Cheetham, and Howe, who will help separate you from your money.........uh, make that, advise you as to your investment and earnings potential......Yeah..that's it.

Look for updates as Cletus moves us toward our first crop and the fame and fortunes which accompany success.

Spaw