I don't know what happened with this one but as it was happening Karen and I were actively involved in a meeting trying to prevent another. How so you ask? Without going into diagnostic details, our own 14 year old son is struggling through life right now. About 5 months ago his behavior and drawings reached a real low, extremely frightening with talk of suicide, suicide pacts, killing his gf's mother. Among the things causing this was a borderline personality disorder, reactive attachment problems, and depression, all of which were helped by Fetal Alcohol/Drug Syndrome. Thanks so much there bio-mom.

We began counselling but things slid further downhill when he began cutting himself to ease the depression. He wrote and drew more about suicide, homicide......geeziz, I can't begin to write all of this down for you here but trust me, it was very frightening (talk of his "armored angel" [that's a gun] and how it would ease the pain; a drawing of three death figures on crosses and written below, "I won't shed a tear as my family dies. Hang them on a cross of nails). It was EXACTLY what you read of things left when they read the writings of the Columbine shooters, Pearl, Virginia Tech, and all the others.   We worked harder to get him help to little avail. He was in a crisis ward at Ohio State twice and at another program once. Altogether for about three weeks on three occasions. He went into therapeutic foster care and intense counselling, came home for two weeks and cut himself up after a minor setback......including cuts to the neck.

We are finally into something which I truly believe may make a difference over time.....we can but hope. Today he told me "You aren't even my Dad anymore." Hard to hear.............But if this works out even halfway he will be far better off in life and so will those around him. But let me tell you some of what it took to get here.

We tried to access the mental health system back in April as this became worse. Everybody wanted to help but couldn't. When we dismantled the Mental Health System in this country we threw out the baby with the bath. Nobody wanted to see the warehousing but the system needed repair, not destruction. After awhile I began to understand why Columbine and Virginia Tech happened. As parents, Karen and I found ourselves virtually helpless.   A consultant on this asked me if we had great insurance. I said yes (which it is) but there were some limits of course. He asked if we were wealthy and I of course said no. He told me, "Sorry, but I can't help you." We had any number of people in the mental health field and insurance folks plus friends with anecdotal stories who said the only thing we could probably end up doing was turning over custody to the state.

After months of frustration and hard work we may have finally come to something that will work and can be paid for through the state, county, schools, our insurance, and our bank account---it may take a village to SAVE a child as well.......I hope it works or you may see me on TV, the parent of one of those kids who "should have seen it coming and gotten the boy some help."Got any idea how lousy you feel as a parent when you can't give your kid what he desparately needs?

yeah...............

I feel for the parents and the kids of those injured and killed but I can far too easily identify with the kids doing the shooting and their parents. Been there.....don't want to do that.

Put my son Michael in your thoughts......and one thing you can do? A portion of Michael's problems come from Fetal Alcohol/Fetal Drug problems. Confront every pregnant person you know or meet and tell them, "Not one drop, not a toke, not a snort, not a shot."

Pat Patterson --- Not exactly feelin' like Spaw at the moment.