Oh Santa, I haven't been very good this year. I tried, oh how I tried, but no matter how hard I tried I seem to have failed. There was that little matter of the pasta, for example. Yes, I admit that I shouldn't have eaten it in bed, but I didn't realize that uncooked pasta would leave crumbs. And that business with the maggots, well, I was trying to raise them for fishing bait. It's hard to be good out here in Idaho, Santa, what with the Legion to lead me astray. I don't even deserve a lump of coal or a rotten potato this Christmas. (Sniff, sniff, sniffle) I'd so much like to have presents like all the others, but I don't deserve them. Give them to someone who has managed to be good, nay, even angelic, all year and not to a rotten poop-head like me.