Dear, dear SS
As a bit of a linguist myself I'm most intrigued with your forms of expression, but I suspect they're all there as distractions and diversions, concealing your inner warm core of being which is, as I now understand it, multi-national and vario-ethnic.
Anyway, whoever said that about the malt and the kookaburra must have been following some other Tabster because I can promise you (a)we're not a rich enough household to purchase malt (cheap Aldi Scotch IF we're lucky) and (b) there are no kookaburras in our part of Wales.
I have been as good as possible this year. There may have been one or two lapses, such as when my sat nav took me astray and I confess to saying some rude words, but really I don't think I deserve to be punished for this. Should I organise a petition of my well-wishers to persuade you further?
Yours in some distress about the wrongful accusations ...
Tabster.