So Sarah me Lass - duz ye not likes havin' a Christmas Pirate? iffin yez don't, I ken stop all looking fer pressies and jes have them fish guts delivered straight aways.

Iffin ye still wont pressies, yez need tell more of these smallpipes things. Arrrr they them same things Zamfir plays or is they more like real bagpipes?

(note to Pirate-self: ask LTS why I'z always be gettin' the fergin pipers. Warn LTS that 1 more bagpiper and we pirates revoke her wench status).

Iffin they be like dem smallpipes that there wikepedia-feller says are likes Northumbrian pipes or Border Pipes, canz ye tell us iffin they use da same books? Cuz lass, This here Christmas Pirate gots a right nasty noggin-achin' wot from readin' all dem wordz that wikipedia-feller done wrote about every blasted kind of bagpipe in the fergin world. Pirates don't bother wit bagpipes - we just squeeze proper sailors until they bellows - Harr harr hardee harr harr arrrr... oh- neverminds -

So - do you got deez books?
Suggested Session Tune Book (orange) published by some piper people called "The Lowland & Border Pipers' Society"
They got a pink one too and a blue one - has ye got dems either?

This here Christmas Pirate has to go read some more wordz about pipes and such. Maybe I can ask that Mel Bay feller if he knows any about this subject matter.

Meantime, tell ole Peg Leg some more hints such as and ferrinstance:

Please say yez play something other than bagpipes
Favorite singer/songwriter/folkie-types?
Aside from Fish Guts - yer fave food?
Does ye have at least one hole in each of yez ears? (Does ye have more than one?)
Does ye have holes anywhere else...harr harr harrrrrr (please say yes)
-iffin yez do, does ye need jewlery for there? (please say yes)
Does ye have a doggie or kittie? Does they have holes in them ears? (please say yes)
Does ye drink likkor? Iffin yes, what color? Iffin color is Clear, say what flavor
Does ye drink wine or ale? Iffin so what color?
Does ye like sweets? iffin yes, what color?
Does ye like limmericks? (harrr harrr harr)
Does ye do that Christmas thing with the tree and all?
- iffin yez do, does ye want sparkly bits for to put on the tree?
Does ye like purty smelling things? Iffin yes, what flavor?
Does ye like candles? iffin yes, what flavor?
Does ye like soap? Iffin yes, what color?
Does ye have long hair, short hair or inbetween hair? Iffin yes, what color?
Iffin you has hair, does ye put things in it like combes and jewels? Iffin yes, what color?
Does ye have teeth? iffin yes, does ye want mouth bling? (We call dem "Grillz")
Assumin' equal value, prefer yez Gold or Silver?
- Iffin yes, be specific as in regular-like gold, fancy-falutin' rose gold, classy-arse white gold, gaudy-like brassy gold and so on.
Gots ye a totem animal? Iffin yes, what kind?

That be all for right nows.
Sincerely yours truly,
Peg Leg Pierce
Christmas Pirate