Nowadays I have no cell phone but I have some old discarded ones that I pretend to use in situations that need a good fake conversation to balance out another rude conversation -especially when I am trying to eat...

I will say things like..."Can you hear me NOW? yes the doctors said that they have never seen anything like it before. No, yeah, um huh, Well they said they see green puss all the time but blue puss was really something new.
uhhhuh, no no NO they do not know how contagious it is yet, thats why I say you should take that flight out of National right now before things get wierd...uh huh, yes I washed my hands, at least I think I did...but I'm still wearing the same shirt and pants."


I really do this schtik since it seems to me someone's gotta do it, and I'm pretty good at it.