Well. You'll be saving a starving PhD student hours of googling time. I'm sure that will bring you good karma.
My faulty decoder ring got me this far:

I always was the man with his finger in his nose
When the passport picture gets taken
When the big guys took me out stealin' chickens
It was me caught holdin' the bacon
When they're droppin' a piano from the forty second floor
I'm the guy underneath lookin' up
And when the tidal wave strikes a hundred miles at sea
I'm always at the rail throwin' up

The chorus sounds something like

Weepin' how
Somehow I woulda met you anyhow
You pick it up and then holy cow
You folks you oughta see me now....


I was standing at at the ???? uptown restaurant a few frozen dinners ago
When I stumbled on a waiter full of crepe suzettes
And I ran out the door flambeaux
Then I ran down to Chinatown got myself some sauce
And grabbed some moogoo gai-pan to go
When I got wiped out by a stray bean sprout that was landin' on the floor

CHORUS



Thanks again, and good luck on your mission to the attic of no return.
God speed.

L.T.