I would like to play Zou Zou's. I would wear a rumpled suit with a t-shirt bearing a large marijuana leaf. I would make constant comments about the need to overthrow the Capitalist Pig-Government, and insult every ethnic group I could think of.(What I REALLY hate about Lutherans is...). I would call the "attractive 35-45ish owner/manager a Washed-up Crack Whore, and refer to the rest of the staff as "peons" and "serving wenches". I would start my set with John Lennon's Woman is the Nigger of the World and end with Robert Johnson's Milk Cow's Calf Blues, all played at full volume through a Marshall amp. I would drag in at about 8:45, and play until at least 11. I would ask if there were any meat-eaters in the audience, then accuse them of being murderers.

At the end of the night, I would apologize for violating all of their rules, and tearfully beg for another chance. Zou Zou's deserves me.