Here's my contribution to scholarship, learnt from a Sussex singer over 40 years ago.

I wanted to go on the stage,
But the parts that they gave me were rotten
In Pantomime I was the rage
As the hole in the Elephant's bottom

Tra la la la la la, tra la la la la la.

The inside is lined up with shelves
For bottles of bass if you've got'em
But the audience ain't partial to me blowing the froth
Out the hole in the elephant's bottom.

Now my landlady makes sandwiches for me,
But one day I forgot 'em
Halfway through the matinee they passed them on a tray
Up the hole in the elephant's bottom.

If the Russians should ever attack
With their megaton bombs and they drop them
You can keep your fallout shelters, I know where I'll be
Up the hole in the elephant's bottom.

Now some people sends me fan mail
And other they sends me a parcel
The postman delivers it care of the stage
And the hole in the elephant's bottom.

Now some people don't like this song
Others will think that it's rotten
But them as don't like it can go stuff their heads
Up the hole in the elephant's bottom.

Shakespeare.