Here we go. No time like the present.



FRED FANNAKAPAN
(Low/Haines)

There's been a bit of bother with our sister Mary Ann,
She had a sweetheart and his name was Fred Fannakapan;
She said, 'I'll ask him home for tea, he'd love to look around,'
So all our family turned up to see what she had found.

There was father and mother and sister Mary Ann,
Waiting to welcome Fred Fannakapan;
There were uncles and aunties and others of our clan,
Waiting to welcome Fred Fannakapan.

Round the kitchen table they sat twiddling their thumbs,
When they heard the doorbell ring they all said, 'here he comes!'
Father said, 'you look a gorp, same as Mary Ann,
'Sit down and make yourself at home, Fred Fannakapan'.

The family they questioned Fred as fast as they could speak,
How much he'd got in his bank book and how much he earned a week;
He didn't say a word, so father said, 'it seems to me,
'The poor gorp's proper poorly, let him have a spot of tea'.

There were pancakes and pork pies and plates of beef and ham,
Waiting to welcome Fred Fannakapan,
There was cold tripe and trotters and lots of bread and jam
Waiting to welcome Fred Fannakapan.

Fred sat there without a word, as mournful as could be,
Mother said, 'what ails thee lad? Get on and have thee tea!'
He said, 'me teeth have fallen out, I dropped 'em as I ran'.
The only one who couldn't eat was Fred Fannakapan.

We finished tea and sat there looking like a flock of sheep,
Mary Ann was so fed up she went right off to sleep;
Father said, 'we can't sit here like images all night,
'Let's have a drink and then perhaps poor gorp'll feel all right.'

There was whisky and brandy and port wine in a can,
Waiting to welcome Fred Fannakapan,
There was bottled ale and bottled stout, enough to fill a van,
Waiting to welcome Fred Fannakapan.

Then we heard a knock and someone said, 'is Freddy here?
'It's eight o'clock and time for you to be in bed, my dear'.
He said, 'me mother's come for me,' and off he quickly ran,
And that's the last we ever saw of Fred Fannakapan.

Gorp = stupid or stupid-looking person