A friend just sent me this. I thought it might find a "good home" in this thread:

RULES REGARDING STRAY CATS

Stray cats will not be fed.
   
   
Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food
moistened with a little milk.
   
Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food
moistened with warm milk, yummy treats and leftover fish scraps.
   
Stray cats will not be petted, played with or picked up and
cuddled unnecessarily.
   
Stray cats that are petted, played with, picked up and cuddled
will absolutely not be given a name.
   
Stray cats with or without a name will not be allowed inside
the house at any time.
   
Stray cats allowed inside will not be permitted to jump up on
or sharpen their claws on the furniture.
   
Stray cats will be permitted on furniture but must sharpen claws on new $114.99 sisal rope scratching post with three perches.
   
Stray cats will sleep outside.
   
Stray cats will sleep in the garage.
   
Stray cats will sleep in the house, but not in our bed.
   
Stray cats will sleep in our bed, but not under the covers.
   
Stray cats will not play on the desk.
   
Stray cats will not play on the desk near the computer.
   
Stray cats are forbidden to walk on the computer keyboard on the desk when the human is using it.
   
Stray cats are forbidden to walk on the computer keyboard on the desk
when the human is asdfjjhhkl;ljfd.;oier puyykmm4hbdm9lo9jmdskdm.... USING IT!