As a former shopping-mall Santa (see Member Photos section), I am dismayed. Never in my Santa life did I ever utter the syllables "ho ho ho" with the slightest hint of any kind of offensive double-meaning. Well, except maybe once...

Santa is occasionally visited by grownups (usually young adults) who want to have their picture taken for a laugh. In a very few cases, someone sat in my lap who might have been called a "ho."

One particular instance I remember quite well involved two young ladies in very low-cut clothing whose, er, appearances were enhanced by unnatually huge volumes of silicone. The photo was so hilarious I had the photographer make a print for me to keep: with one exotic-dancer type perched on each knee, Santa has such a wide grin on his face that his eyes are barely open. When I emailed my cousin Dave a copy, he came up with a very fitting title: "Eyes Wide Slut."