I'm amazed! We've come this far and no one has mentioned

BONGOS
This—or these—are a device invented by Satan which allows those with neither musical talent nor a sense of rhythm to participate in musical events and torment real musicians, goading them into committing a mortal sin by horribly murdering the bongo player in a back alley somewhere. But where Satan's play goes awry is that murdering a bongo player is regarded by the minions of Heaven as a blessed act, not unlike St. Patrick's driving the serpents out of Ireland.

Don Firth