I'm not sure this is exactly as written but it's how I've been singing it for the past 30 odd years or so.


THE PLUMBERS AND THE JOINERS
(Watt Nicoll)

Long time ago and never forgot
A public toilet was a penny in the slot
Its 5p now and that price goes
For a wee or a fart or to powder your nose.

Chorus:
How they tittered, how they chaffed
How the plumbers and the joiners laughed
When they saw that young girl jammed
Like a plug, in the sea, of a lavat'ry pan
Dum, dum a-dimmy dumma dimmy dum dum.... Ba...oom.

When Nan saw the door was open wide
She wasted no time and she nipped inside.
Squeezed and pressed as hard as could be
She did her best, 'coz it was free

Well Nan sat there for an hour or two
Did all the things that ladies do.
The seat was varnished, just her luck,
Like gum tae her bum, the seat wiz stuck.

Well they called for the plumbers and the joiners too
The plumbers plumbed and the joiners screwed,
They bust the flush, Nan gave a gasp
As water started rising up around her knees.

(Slowly and sadly)
A large crowd gaithered as they cairried her by
Face doon on a stretcher wi' her erse tae the sky
"I've never seen the likes," one woman exclaimed
"I have " said her husband but it's never been framed