First -- and only -- thing "Shane" ever read was the Simpson's catalogue that was hangin' in the outhouse. He got so excited by the pictures of women's underwear that he figgered no book could ever be better.

For many years he didn't know that there was actually skin under those pictures of women in their long woolies and the first time he saw a woman in a bikini he was so surprised he fainted dead way, spilling his beer on the way down (and it was the last one). After he came to, all he could say for weeks was "Ah...gaaa...ah!" Finally, brother Don slapped him upside the head with a 2x6 and sort of "rebooted" ol' "Shane."